by K.A.
Sometimes the system works! It was Pathways that fulfilled a longstanding family wish. A wish fulfilled that required serendipity, three miracles and true dedication by the Pathways team and support coordinator to reunite me with my lifelong homeless and elderly uncle.
My loved one had moved through a dangerous year as he transitioned from being a senior to suddenly elderly and with an ever-advancing cognitive decline. Having his car impounded and losing all his possessions and identification, he was in heartbreaking need of rescue and intervention. His early onset dementia was the merciful moment, a kind of first miracle, that allowed for a year of assessments and much needed involuntary care. The second miracle was the caring and dedicated medical team that gave a homeless and disoriented senior the attention, advocacy and support he had so desperately needed since his youth.
As my uncle was prone to severe mood swings and violent outbursts, I had been looking to friends and the RCMP in the area to maintain a focus on his whereabouts as I more recently lived across the country to help an even more vulnerable family member – also a senior in crisis. My uncle wanted to be independent, and I respected his right to do so but he was aging and frail. Thankfully, he was also part of a small community of hippy free spirits much like himself huddled around the UBC Wreck Beach area to avoid the dangers and organized crime of the Downtown East Side. Though he had a lifelong, significant mental illness since childhood, he was not an addict.
I was used to locating his caravan quite quickly but not this time. It became clear that the old supports for the vulnerable mental health survivors in this ever-developing part of Vancouver were being eroded away through policy changes and a desire by developers and new residents to see this fragile and peaceful community removed entirely. He was missing and I was frantic to find him. I needed to create a better future for him now that his home and beach area was disappearing and less accessible.
At first, I assumed he would end up in emergency and I would have very few days to find a facility suitable for his complex needs. Friends circled the area while my partner and I visited care homes in the Vancouver region. Tragically, the two of us are the last of our line. Though we have a long, close connection, something had happened and I was desperate to rescue him. Agencies were searching their databases to no avail when it finally happened, the third miracle. Pathways was able to connect me to one of his beach acquaintances and I was finally able to learn of his rapid decline and recovery through the involuntary process and then placement with an excellent memory ward. More serendipity.
It has been a very emotional reunion for both of us as we try to make up for lost time now that he is mostly emotionally stable and happy in his new “forever home”. He is astounded and delighted to be living indoors. He is starting to take off his shoes when he goes to bed. He asks for and can manage to look at family photos. He longs for his mother and is glad for my presence. His true self is slowly emerging from the haze and control of his illness. He is full of gratitude, remorse and for the first time in his difficult life…he is filled with hope.
I love my schizophrenic uncle. I understand him and the decades he has lived through since the early forties. I was close to his parents, my maternal grandparents. Like many caregivers in my situation, I waited a half century as someone witnessing his life but never able to be fully, lovingly engaged for extended periods of time together because of his violence and extreme paranoia. We are both seniors now. We understand time and the gifts time can bring occasionally when one is patient.
In September we celebrated his birthday. We held hands. He quoted the Grateful Dead and said how his life has been “a long strange trip”. We laugh about this truth while he relaxes into the wonderful music programs of his new home where he can play his guitar and receive the reflection he has always needed and deserves. For me though, when I think of a song that most captures my life as his niece, I think about the lyrics from, ‘When You Wish Upon a Star’, and the miracle of our reunion where our new “friends” at the Fairhaven Lodge support us to be lovingly together – indoors. Because, while indoors really matters at any age, it matters especially for seniors and those longing for a meaningful and dignified conclusion to their life.
Thank you, Pathways, for helping us to realize our deepest family wish. The team and board at Pathways know better than anyone, that had my elderly and destitute loved one not received the involuntary care he so urgently needed; he would likely have died a tragic and cruel fate alone, outdoors and without loving family by his side. My uncle and I could not be more grateful for this second chance.
A very special thanks to the support coordinator, Valeska Gauthier, whose diligence realized our reunion. You are truly our Blue Fairy and bright heavenly star this holiday season. Whether through your peer-to-peer support groups or personal connection, Pathways filled my dark days with hope. Thank you for bringing hope to caregivers and vulnerable loved ones like me and my uncle. Apparently, it’s true that sometimes fate intervenes and makes one’s “dreams come true”.
I wish this blessing for every caregiver and their homeless loved one that they too may be re-united in such a caring and medically supported way. My uncle and I hope our story touches you and rekindles hope in your heart over this holiday season… because it’s never too late to “wish upon a star”. – K.A.
In order to offer you additional support, we would like to hear back from you. We’re offering a Q & A section for caregivers. If you have specific questions or inquiries about living with mental illness, please send them to familysupport@pathwayssmi.org and we will do our best to address them in a future Notepad newsletter.